Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Dear Emily Post, Please republish your bookstore etiquette rules!

I love reading! I love books!! I say this a lot, but I just can't say it enough. The bookstore is my happy place. I go and take up residence, grow roots into my chair! Then I carry my new books around with me, like a little girl carrying around newly acquired candy. Big giant happy eyes staring down at her prizes with enormous pride! I also like to spread them all out and look at them all! Its weird I know this, but I accept the parts of my personality that is similar to the autistic kids I work with!

Today Chad and I went to the bookstore- actually we spent all day there. We went in when it was 1pm and left well after 7pm. I caught up on my trashy magazines and celebrity gossip! YaY, my 2 favorite authors had new books out...AND they were 30% off hardbacks!! It was unfolding to be a great day at the bookstore......until-

Then......."the bad hair dye job lady." plopped her big butt down......*sigh*

Rules for the bookstore.
1) you whisper for a reason
2) the book store is quiet for a reason
3) people read books NOT talk on the cell phone!
4) when you get a phone call, excuse yourself to the coffee shop!
5) when people stare at you, they really want you to SHUT-UP!
6) when people stare at you, stop acting like an idiot!
7) the chairs that people sit in to read, are strategically placed in the back so its quiet!
8) when you bring your kids to the bookstore, make least pretend to have manners!
9) I am NOT interested why your boyfriend is cleaning up after his mother! -really, I dont care!
10) when you are sitting in the aisles...make sure your pants cover your crack!
11) Teach your kids to whisper!
12) when you talk...WHISPER!!!
13) if you are talking on the phone and the person you are talking to cant hear you, there is NO need to keep saying over and over..yelling, "HELLO, HELLO, CAN YOU HEAR ME?" be polite and LEAVE!
14)When your friend returns from the coffee shop, telling you she could hear her all the way to the coffee shop..take a hint and WHISPER!!
15) when the bookstore is placed in the college district of your town, take another hint that PEOPLE WILL BE STUDYING AND THAT YOU SHOULD, WHISPER!!
16) when people stare at you and sigh out need to WHISPER!
18) if you bring your kids to the bookstore, pay attention to them. dont call your friend to chit-chat!

There was a rather large lady sitting in the aisle wearing a less than flattering horizontal striped shirt, and low rise pants that showed parts of her -that is, sadly forever embedded in my head. Her daughter was unruly, (gee-that apple didn't fall far from the tree) and loud. The lady was sitting in an aisle on the phone with her boyfriend. ARGUING!
I had envisioned walking over, yanking the phone outta her hand: hanging up, and saying, "PEOPLE WHISPER AT THE BOOKSTORE FOR A REASON!" Then all the people sitting around me would stand up-cheering and applauding me even carrying me on their shoulders! (yes, I have a very overactive imagination) But the woman seemed fiesty, and much larger than Chad gets annoyed when I cause a scene..he says he gets concerned about my safety...(like the fight I started with the lady in the truck, or the time I was given the stink eye at the tool store) And since we were already annoyed at each other-I opted Not to make a scene.

Chad told me later that he could hear "bad hair dye job lady" all the way at the front of the store! And he knew exactly who I was complaining about.

seriously? -If you can't go without your phone for longer than 1 hour...the bookstore is NOT a place for you! Or at least text....b/c I am not there to stay attuned to reality...I am there to slip off into an imaginary world created for me by an authors brilantly scripted words!

Okay, now that I vented: I am totally excited!! Mary Kay Andrews has a new book, "The Fixer Upper" I love her so much. She is brilliant at creating characters and descriptive enough to paint a pretty picture, but still leaves some to the readers imigination!

Second, she recently had a book become a movie; but Sophia Kinsella author of the Shopaholic books just released a new book. She has 2 different types of books. One is a series, the shopaholic books, centered around Rebecca Bloomwood (I haven't finished all of these books.) Then she has another series of books that has different charactes and story lines. Then she also has books under her real name. I don't understand that, but they are good too!

So I am on a mission to finish "Picture Perfect" but man that is such a hard book to read. The main charater pisses me off. So I stop reading, then return to the book. Read it for a bit, then she does something stupid. She is wearing me OUT!

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