Thursday, January 14, 2010

Corner of love and hate

Dear Running let me count the ways; i love you & i hate you!

1) i love how you make me feel
2) i hate the way you make me feel
3) you hurt my lungs & fill my stomach with air (b/c i can't breath b/c i have poor lung function)
4) you make me push myself
5) i look forward to you everyday
6) then, when i am standing on the tread mill, i loath you
7) i love having a reason for being so tired
8) you make me tired in ways i can not begin to describe. my lungs hurt. taking a deep breath makes me dizzy. but taking quick shallow breaths make me light-headed.
9) when i am running i dream of running a half marathon.
10) i love how my mind just wonders, then it finds something that annoyed me and with every step i take i pound that annoyance into the ground.
11) i love it when sweat drops off my brow.
12) i hate how i am so beat when i get home, i barely eat, and can barely move. even talking gets me winded!
13) when i walk away from the tread mill i feel so accomplished and so proud of myself

monday, i go to the hospital and take 3 scary lung tests. and what keeps me going...what keeps me running? fear. fear of having another surgery. i move my feet in the hope that it will increase my lung capacity. so the exhaustion, in ability to talk or yell at my cats, might all be worth it.

In an effort to keep me going, I am going to post my running stats.

Monday: 1/2 mile 5.50
Tuesday 2.61mile in an hour
Wednesday 3.10 miles in an hour
Thursday 1.76 miles in 33.15 minutes

is anybody out there?


  1. I hate running. I am SO PROUD of you.

  2. As always, I admire your ability to push yourself so hard. Of course, I shouldn't be too surprised that you'll do anything possible to reach a goal...seeing as how insanely stubborn you are. =p

    Sorry to hear you hafta go in for more tests, I really hope it's good news!!