I can not believe I haven't EVER mentioned this chapter of my life!!
When you choose to live a dishonest life, then that dishonest life tends to unravel and be riddled with complexities, fear, anxiety, and leaves you with a lot of internal conflict. I found this to be very, very true. It's hard to say if I read this quote somewhere, or if I came up with it, perhaps it's a little of both. Let me clarify a little when I say, "dishonest life" I don't mean lying, drugs, or getting drunk. NO. NO. What I mean is living a life that is not true to who you are, or what you believe. For example, I was put in this world to change it. I believe that with every fiber of my being. I go to trainings or conferences and this annoying voice in my head is constantly nagging at me to, "make connections and get your name out there, go sweet talk the president of the publishing company and tell him your ideas...." I thought that this was common, but apparently it's not…the problem is I am a little shy, but mostly stubborn and must do things the hard way….otherwise known as, "the Kristin way"
That being said; let me tell you about the Bahamas.
I had just transferred to the college of my dreams with a 3.0, I was thrilled and so proud of myself. Earning a 3.0 was no easy feat my public educational career was hard. I am dyslexic, A.D.D./A.D.H.D. and to be quite honest with you, I'm a little different than most folks. My 4th grade teacher told my mother, I was too stupid to amount to anything big, maybe a technical college at best….so don't expect me to go to the moon. So having a 3.0 and getting accepted into a major university was a huge deal. I moved into my first apartment, got a job as a waitress, and started attending classes; yes I was falling into my schedule nicely. Before the semester started I switched majors from Applied Behavior Analysis to theater production and design. Midway through my first semester I started to self destruct. (In hindsight, I wasn't self-destructing; I was actually just so fatigued from my undiagnosed heart/lung problems I couldn't get out of bed…as a matter of fact until last October I thought it was in my personality to self-destruct when I started to become successful.) Well as a result of this…fatigue my grades started to suffer, …and so did the money in my checking account, I started asking daddy for money to make ends meet. In order to cope with my crumbling grades, lack of money and inability to really thrive in college, I started drinking-a lot.
By the end of that year, I had hit rock bottom. I didn't do anything crazy-stupid, I just drank and slept a lot. Didn't make it to my classes, didn't do the reading, or the homework, and slowly just stopped caring.
Let me tell you what….my dad wasn't having any of this nonsense. He was D-O-N-E!! So, he did what any dad would do, he put a year's worth of threats into actions. He called me up and simply said, "you waste my money and your education, I will waste your time, and your natural abilities." He told my Uncle Poggie to take me by force to the airport and he shipped me to the Bahamas, where he had been working for 5months at the airport. I arrived in Nassua at 7:30 am, and sat in a foreign office to get my work visa approved. After getting cleared, I was forced to work an 8hour day! *I am not even making this up-daddy was pissed and he meant business*
Now, I am sure you think that living the Bahamas, sounds like a Great, Grand and awesome adventure! Oh, but life on that island was anything but. I worked (with my dad's crew) at the airport, I swept sand 17 hours a day while the guys welded the tunnels that lead from the building to the airplane. I also steam cleaned the carpets, power washed the tunnels, and my favorite part…held the cables to make sure they didn't get tangled up. When I wasn't working my tail off, I was getting daddy lectures about fixing my life.
I lived that life for 5 Long. Awful. Months. In those 5 months, I only had 1 day off, and we went scuba diving.
diving on my 1 day off with my dad!
That time of my life was dark. I had so much internal conflict going on. I wanted to be a nurse, I wanted to work in the theater, I wanted to change the world. *sigh* all these wants and I couldn't even get out of bed. I watched other people find their passions, but was so blind to what was right in front of me. When you refuse to live an honest life, the universe makes your life so much harder. Now, my life is truly blessed, I love my job and I really feel like I am changing my little corner of the world.